Today as I read through blogs filled with creative ministry and home ideas, I am surprised by a single thought that came with no warning: “How do all of these awesome women in ministry have the best portraits? What do I have to do to get one of those?”
How could I be worthy of a picture like that?
I was shocked at myself, and a bit confused. Huh? Where did that come from? I followed the rabbit trail a bit, but was ill-prepared for the floodgates that opened up. A torrent of thought and emotion that I didn’t know had been building came pouring out of my heart. And my eyes. If I’m being honest (and I will be for you), I’d felt the uneasiness of late, yet couldn’t put a finger on what was amiss. Something. And here it came, pouring out:
I’m a wife, Lord. And a mom. And I’m trying to keep my home inviting and my son fed and clean and engaged. I’m a bookkeeper who balances figures. I am meeting new moms and striving to encourage future ones. I sing to you when nobody listens and I’m happy backstage or on the sidelines or holding down the fort in the evenings. I love your Word, and I want to be like you. But I don’t have a beautiful picture to display. Is it enough, Lord?
Is it enough. A question which had silently become a statement in my mind – a faulty plumb line I was using to find the center of things… I had been asking the question without realizing. Am I worthy? Is it enough?
Just as quickly I was answered by the voice I cannot describe except to say that it is His.
No, it is not enough. But I am enough.
I only wish I had asked sooner.
What I do, what I have, will never be enough. And He will always be. I knew that, silly me.
He is enough for you too, friend.
Ah, this is right on with what God’s been teaching me too! We always will want “just a little bit more” if we are not focused on God. I am rich – blessed beyond measure. Is it enough? To my sin-natured self, no. Is He enough, no matter what? You betcha! Thanks for your honesty, Erin!
So true.
I think my struggle lately is not that I’m dissatisfied with what I have. Instead, I find myself wondering if it’s enough for Him. Is what I do enough for Him? Am I letting Him down somehow because I’m not famous with a beautiful picture. And the truth is that I’m not “letting Him down”, but that it’s not the point. Jesus is the point, not what He has asked me to do or hasn’t. Am I being faithful and obedient with what I have? Those are the better questions to ask. But enough? I could never do or be enough. That’s Jesus’ job.
STOP MAKING ME CRY AT WORK!!! (oops… maybe I should only read blogs @ my parent’s were it’s safe to ball like a baby
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On a serious note, I needed that! Thanks for sharing!
It’s an honor and a joy to serve next to you, my very dear sister/friend!