Is honesty a hard character trait to come by? It has become clear to me through prayer and real self searching that I am not always the most honest person.

Shocked? I was.

No, I don’t have a problem with lying. And, no, I probably haven’t been deceiving you or leading you on. Yes, I really am your friend, and things I share with you are most likely true. Where’s the dishonesty, then?

Really, it’s been with myself. And with God. In an effort to better our relationship I’ve been thinking a lot about how to be more honest with God about what is going on – how I’m really feeling or what I’m really thinking. And that forces me to be honest with myself.

And it’s not always pretty. Or easy. Or nice. And I’m uncomfortable with that.

So in an effort to practice “honesty,” that’s what I told God in the car today. And it wasn’t so bad. It was real, and that felt good.

Is there something you’ve been putting off telling Him, because you hate to admit it to yourself?

When I took a break from this blog several months ago, there were a lot of changes happening in my heart all to prepare me for the changes that I did not know were around the corner in my life.  There are several, in fact.  But I only have time to share one with you right now.  Take a close look:

Yes…in June 2009 there will be another member of the Gancer family. (Lord, help me.)

I’ll give you a moment to get over the shock.

and in keeping with the theme of my last post, stay tuned for an update on all the “changes” going on in my life. 

I know, it’s been a while.

: )

Change.  Autumn typically brings change in my life.  (I think God knows that I appreciate the symbolism of the changing seasons…) Over the past few days there have been many changes..tho they’re not specifically what I want to talk about.

I used to be a big proponent of change.  I liked things spiced up all the time.  I loved learning on the fly and rolling with however the world turned.  I needed stimuli, and change was stimulating.  If things stayed the same, everything would be boring, and I’d have to move on to something else.  I loved change.

Then, change became hard.  I got used to doing things a certain way.  It became easy to live “easy.”  Routine made life smooth and predictable.  Random was even in measured portions, and sprinkled just so over the top of everything else familiar.  It’s comfortable.  I would run from change.

And now…I’m not sure.  I am not either of those things, entirely.  I like predictablity, and routine, though things can become old.  And religious.  And boring. A healthy mix perhaps?

So, the moral of the story is, God is changing a lot in me.  And I like it. (most of the time.)

Is He changing something in you?

My week, in bullet points:

• new planner filled with…plans
• an empty sink before bed
• packed lunches
• Birmingham?
• ESV Study Bible
• logos
• riding in Mo’s car
• work..work..work..boss out of town
• my friend Shelia
• ordered Grandma plane tickets
• took 14 phone calls to do so
• two apple orchards
• both closed
• cider anyway
• and caramel apples
• autumn in small towns
• romeo family restaurant
• ick stomach from caramel
• no credit accepted
• packing for the farm

This is what has stood out in my week…what’s made  your week memorable?

This summer my pastor’s wife taught an awesome series on how to study the Bible – different methods and resources to dig deeper into the Word.  It was awesome!  So this past month I’ve been putting some of the methods into practice rather than letting them rot on the pages in my journal. 

I’ve been focusing my study on Ecclesiasties this past month..and now that I’m moving on I wanted to share what has impacted me the most:

Vanity. 

When I think of the word “vanity” I used to think of the stick girls that stand in front of the mirror primping when they already look perfect..or the pretty boy who cannot help but glance at his reflection whenever he passed a glass storefront.  It was because of this that I never really understood what King Solomon meant when he wrote, “Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.” (Ecc. 1:2)

Revelation came as I sought out the real meaning of that word – Vanity: “hebel.”  Hebel means emptiness; something transitory or unsatisfactory.

King Solomon, as the Preacher, declares every facet of his life vanity.  It was unsatisfactory, and only transitory.  It held no real value.  Even the good things, work done for others, wisdom acquired..it all is worthless and doesn’t last. 

I look at my life, and all the time I spend doing “things.”  Everything in this world is only transitory, yet I can put so much weight on what I DO or STUFF that I acquire…even the my “good” things are really worth nothing…

BUT

“Fear God and keep his comandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” (Ecc. 12:13) The only thing not transitory, the only thing not done in vain, is to worship the LORD and obey his commandments.  To tell others about Him. 

I’m provoked to view my whole life through this lense once again, to weed out everything that I do for my own pleasure or benefit, and ask God to take what I have to use for His Kingdom.  I do not want to live in vain.

Do You?

I recently received this message in my campus mailbox:

Re:  Your application to Job Opening # 42326

Posting Title : Met Eng Rotational Program

Dear Erin Gancer,

We enjoyed the opportunity to interview you and wish to thank you for your interest
in Caterpillar Inc.

We regret to inform you that we are not able to offer employment at this time.  We
wish you finding success in suitable employment.

Any personal information you have provided will be governed by Caterpillar’s Data
Privacy Policy.  If you have any questions, you can view the policy in its entirety
at www.JoinTeamCaterpillar.com.

Caterpillar Inc.

I’ve been rejected. 

Now, I finished my degree in 2006, and I’ve been gainfully employed for quite some time now, so this “Dear Engineer” letter didn’t sting too badly.  (read: I laughed out loud.)  But it made me think, “How do I respond to rejection?” 

I don’t like it.  (Does anyone?)  I’ll normally run from it.  That probably means I have some fear of it.  I’m familliar with it as an adolescent.  I’m not used to it as an adult.  Hrm..  Does my fear of rejection impact my life positively or negatively?…does it make me a better worker, or a scared worker?  Who can reject me?  Who can’t? 

Now some Truth: God hasn’t rejected me, but adopted me as his child.  He’s told me ahead of time that the world won’t be fair, and that it won’t accept me if I set myself apart for Him.  He’s also promised to be with me as I fulfill the purposes he has for me.  Even if everyone else brushes me off, He NEVER will.  That’s good.

Father, what do I need to change in my thinking and my actions so that I can better understand your perspective on worldly rejection?

the question, “Who is this King of glory?” kept coming to mind this morning…

The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it, 
     the world, and all who live in it;

 for he founded it upon the seas 
     and established it upon the waters.

 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ? 
     Who may stand in his holy place?

 He who has clean hands and a pure heart, 
     who does not lift up his soul to an idol 
     or swear by what is false.

 He will receive blessing from the LORD 
     and vindication from God his Savior.

 Such is the generation of those who seek him, 
     who seek your face, O God of Jacob.
     Selah

 Lift up your heads, O you gates; 
     be lifted up, you ancient doors, 
     that the King of glory may come in.

 Who is this King of glory? 
     The LORD strong and mighty, 
     the LORD mighty in battle.

 Lift up your heads, O you gates; 
     lift them up, you ancient doors, 
     that the King of glory may come in.

 Who is he, this King of glory? 
     The LORD Almighty— 
     he is the King of glory. 
     Selah

this needs to be stored in my heart and memory.  does anyone have a favorite translation to suggest for memorizing this psalm?

For those who follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or are just generally around me, this announcement will come as no suprise to you.  However, I am just too overwhelmed not to jot something on here about this moment.  If I travel no further up the engineering food chain than this, I will be satisfied. 

I have a window.

[ I would take a picture to show you, however cameras aren't allowed on company property, and so taking a picture would be acknowledging that I do carry my personal cell with a camera where I shouldn't.  So, use your imagination.  Sunlight.  Parking lot.  Trees. People....ahhh. ]

I’m not trying to brag, but only to share my good news with you all, that I’ve been blessed with sunlight today, and for at least the next 5.5 months. 

Oh wait..that sure sounds funny.  Hmm…let’s see.  I’m blessed with sunlight every day – I have windows in my house, and I usually get outside at least once.  You’d think I would be giddy like this every day of my life.  Why, oh why, is today so special? 

It is amazing the kind of clarity a little change in perspecitve can bring.  All of a sudden you’re so thankful for things that you had taken for granted only hours earlier.  The sunlight was no different from the moment I walked into my building until the moment I sat at my new desk.  I was.

How can we mentally change perspectives every day to be more thankful? ..to notice the things, or the people, that we walk by every day without another thought?

Sin has many manifiestations, but its essence is one.  A moral being, created to worship before the throne of God sits on the throne of his own selfhood and from that elevated position declares, “I AM.”

-A.W. Tozer

Read this at lunchtime today..and now I fear there is something I must do about it.  How about you?